Exhaustion

 When was the last time you were slapped across the face? Not just a little hit, but a full force slap in the face? For me is was today. The past few weeks have been incredibly hard for our family. Z has taken out his rage on us and it seems like it's getting worse each day. I don't know when it's coming and it seems like I'm walking on egg shells all day long. Just when I think we are going to have a good day/hour..he has an episode. Sometime we know what will set him off, but usually it just happens.
  I'm just going to list some of the things that he has been doing lately to get it all out. Sometimes I just need to vent. I know that my friends are sick of hearing about it and I would be too. It's been 3 years. I don't want to be the friend that constantly talks about her child or the problems she is facing. It's just how it is right now. I hope I can be that friend for someone in the future.

In the past few weeks...
-Spitting on us.
-Calling us every "bad" name he can think of...stupid, butt, butt head, fart, shut up, knock it off and has started telling us he hates us.
-Biting me
-Pulling my hair
-Pushing me
-Punching me
-Slapping me across the face
-Tear apart O's special items
-Destroyed his room
-Thrown things so hard he has made numerous holes in the wall
-Thrown everything he can in our house.
-Screamed, yelled, ran around the house
-Took apart car seats/pads/tried to throw them while in the car
-Tried to get out of the car when moving
-Run away from us
-Wipe spit all over us
-Broken his special toys
-Broken his favorite train set/big train table when in an episode
-Broken his new box spring
And the list goes on and on. He gets manic. He runs around, throwing things, hitting things/people with such a dark look in his eyes.

Yesterday, he slapped O so hard and she started crying. This sweet little girl puts up with so much. She shouldn't have to experience the stuff that she does. I tell her that I will always protect her and usually I can. I send her to her room and she locks her door. I can't do that in the car. I was able to go sit in between the 2 kids after he slapped her. He was slapping me and punching me, but at least she knew I was protecting her. I can deal with a lot of this. But when he starts taking it out on Olivia I lose my cool. She doesn't deserve this.